The Gryffindor Common Room Archives
by The Order of the Phoenix
Summary: Hidden in the depths of the Room of Requirement is a bulletin board. Notes are pinned to it in yellowing parchment. Read, friends, and discover what went on before Harry Potter was a household name...
1. Chapter 1

**The Gryffindor Common Room Bulletin Board**

_Note: _This is a joint fanfiction written by a group of author contributing at a forum called "The Gryffindor Common Room: Marauders". You can access it and contribute to the thread by going to the forums section and by setting the filter to "most posts". It should be on the first page. We felt that we should create a joint fanfiction account (the Order of the Phoenix) and post this so that more people could read it. **The authors contributing are (in alphabetical order):**

Anna B. the Greek  
Dorcas Meadowes  
forgottenlife  
Klappa

Rainstorm Amaya Arianrhod (plus little brother Nimbus)  
sophianwin, admin.

You can read more about them by going to the profile page.

_Disclaimer: Remarkably little belongs to we, the abovesigned, but is instead the property of Joanne Rowling. _

_Miss Rainstorm would, however, like to assert that Angharad Weasley is the sole property of herself. The owners of Sarah and Patty Kirwin, Michael Angletop, Professor Stan Visna and sundry would like to assert same and add that to steal, borrow, nick, half-inch, filch or plagiarize the aforementioned will result in the most severe punishments for the offending party/parties that can be discovered by the unfortunate victim of the theft and the remaining members of the aforementioned Order. __Miss Sophianwin would like to remind Miss Rainstorm that very few people have any patience with bureaucratese, and to cordially request her to shut up._

Enjoy, and please review!

**

* * *

(written in bold letters on a neat, clean, piece of parchment)**

To Whom it May Concern:

Let it be known that any supposed baby photos (with a female infant dressed, wearing a basket on their head, with large amounts of various foods on their face, or otherwise in random locations) posted by an anonymous person are completely false and/or doctored. I assure everyone in this House that I have never, ever, attempted to fish anything out of the toilet nor intend to do so.

However, this certain someone's friends may have fun fishing the certain person's HEAD out of the toilet should these pictures not come down, and immediately.

Lily Evans  
Gryffindor Prefect

* * *

**(written on a small, clean piece of parchment; handwriting is slightly untidy)**

To Lily Evans:

Your wish is my command. The baby photos are down already.

I hope you like the ones they were replaced with.

J.P.

**

* * *

(written in rather alarming-looking red ink)**

To All Those Who Wish to Keep Their Head:

Though my friend, Lily Evans, is a late riser and has yet to see the photos up on the bulletin board, I would like to remind everyone that in the morning, she is in a particularly foul mood. This is not helped by the comments about herself as a baby. When she sees the new ones, she will explode. She will ricochet off the walls until she hits something. So avoid the Common Room should you like to keep out of the Hospital Wing.

-Dorcas Meadowes

* * *

**(written on a clean piece of parchment, apparently torn violently from a larger piece; handwriting is large and looks hasty)**

To Lily Evans:

Are you happy now that you sent Potter and Black to the Hospital Wing? Tomorrow's the match with Slytherin and our two best Chasers will be out!

Michael Angletop  
Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain

* * *

To Lily Evans: 

Thanks heaps. We LOVE being in the Hospital Wing. In fact, there is a cute girl in the bed opposite me. So, I guess I SHOULD thank you. But Gryffindor lost and we weren't in the match, so you should hang your head in shame. But for your information...the baby photos are back and with Permanent Sticking Charms too!

All my love (and Prongs' too)

Sirius Black  
"That evil git" - quote you.

* * *

To Sirius:  
Might I remind you that we are working together on a Potions project, which is due tomorrow, and you have not begun your allotted work? I would like to get a good grade on this. If my partner ends up in the Hospital Wing for a week because a certain redhead has slammed the bulletin board over his head, I would not be happy.  
And no, you may not have my chocolate.  
-Remus Lupin

* * *

**(written on the back of a Hogsmeade announcement)**

To Moony:  
Is the Potions project due tomorrow? Wow... I never realised... And don't worry. What can little Lily Evans do to me? I mean she's so small and although she's -

**

* * *

(written on the same said Hogsmeade announcement)**

To Remus Lupin:  
Sirius Black will not be able to complete the project because he is currently in the hospital wing with tacks sticking out of places that make it extremely hard to sit down in. Perhaps you should get an extension?  
-an innocent passerby-

* * *

**(written on parchment stamped with the Hogwarts crest)**

Minerva-

I have taken five minutes of my precious time away from two eleven-year-old patients with dragon pox to write this note to you, and let me tell you that I do not appreciate the vast numbers of Gryffindors who are populating the Hospital Wing. Though you may recall that I had before written to you about the frequent visits of Slytherins, I would advise you to exercise some control over the violence of your students.

-Madame Pomfrey

* * *

**(written on a clean parchment; handwriting looks like that of a person who is doing his best to write as clearly as possible)**

ATTENTION ALL GRYFFINDORS!

It has come to our attention that Madam Pomfrey does not like seeing many of us in the Hospital Wing. It seems like she prefers dealing with Slytherins.

So, let's do her a favour!

This coming week is officially declared the Curse-The-Slytherin Week! Do your best to curse as many of them as you can, without being seen by a teacher, Mrs Norris or Filch! (Well, they can see you if you don't mind, but you'll be risking losing House points and getting yourself in detention - unless the teacher is Prof. Flitwick and you impress him so much with your skillful spells he might decide to award you some points instead.)

Curse-The-Slytherin Week starting tomorrow! Do your best, fellow Gryffindors!

James Potter (on behalf of the fifth year Gryffindor boys)

* * *

To James Potter:  
Are there prizes for how many you curse? Because I think I won... 

-Sirius Black-

* * *

To Gryffindor: 

Mr. James Potter and Mr. Sirius Black have asked me to post the top scores for Curse-a-Slytherin Week. They are as follows:

In first place, Mr. Sirius Black with an average of seven Slytherins hexed per day.

In second place, Mr. James Potter with an average of five and a half Slytherins hexed per day.

In third place, Miss Dorcas Meadowes, with an average of four Slytherins hexed per day.  
-Remus Lupin.

P.S.: There may have been other hexing incidents that were not recorded by me. However, these are the final scores.

P.P.S.: To Prongs: At least 'hex-a-Slytherin' week was better thought out than 'hex-a-prefect' day. I did not—let that be a message to all aspiring prefect hexers out there—did not, I repeat, appreciate being purple and pink spotted with a beagle's ears for a week.

* * *

**(written on a clean parchment; handwriting is ever so slightly untidy)**

To all the Gryffindor students, and Sirius Black in particular:

The top scores explain why there isn't a prize for first place. It would seem like this competition was set up for me and my friends to win. (You could all guess who would occupy the first two places, could you not?)

(Incidentally, Moony, the score sheet is rather unfair. I might have a lower average than Sirius, but you fail to mention that I cursed Severus Snape at least three times per day during the whole week.)

However, since Dorcas managed to beat Remus and win third place (I assure you, he's not as innocent as he looks; he did his best to contribute to this week's purpose), I do think we should offer her an award. And since I happen to know that she hates History of Magic, the award is that Remus will be doing her History of Magic homework for this coming week.

Thank you for joining in our noble purpose. Looking forward to many similar activities in the future!  
James Potter.

* * *

How typical of you, James...but I suppose it is my duty to make amends for my miserable performance in that contest. However, perhaps you, as you are second to Padfoot, you should do something for him? 

-Remus

* * *

**(written on a torn page of a magazine, as the number '32' at the edge of the piece reveals; handwriting is slightly untidy)**

To Remus:  
Grumph. Fine.

To Sirius:  
Since he insists, I'll do something for you.

I'll remove the Screeching Hex I put on your bed the day we first came at Hogwarts. (Yes, it's true; it isn't an unlucky coincidence your bed is the only one in Hogwarts making such annoying screeching noises.)

James

* * *

Gryffindor: 

The behavior of this entire house has been despicable in the past week. More Slytherins have been in the Hospital Wing than there have ever been since before my time! Never have I seen such disgusting behavior from my students! Since I and my colleagues have no evidence that it is a specific student hexing Slytherins, however, there will be no detentions handed out. But Gryffindor has an earlier curfew for the next week, as an overall punishment.

-Professor M. McGonagall

* * *

**(small, spindly handwriting)**

To Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs:

Remember to meet in our usual spot at the usual time, and I'd like to remind a certain stag to bring a certain cloak so that we could have our usual excursion in the moonlight...

-Wormtail

* * *

To 'Moony','Padfoot', 'Prongs' and 'Wormtail':  
Need I remind you that in NO circumstance are you allowed to go on 'excursions in the moonlight'? Gryffindor is in enough trouble as it is. Please do not allow these 'usual' excursions to continue. 

Lily Evans

P.S.: In addition, if you wished to keep these 'secret' then WHY on EARTH put it on the Gryffindor noticeboard for all to see?

* * *

**(written on a slightly dirty piece of parchment; handwriting is rather untidy)**

Tell you what, Evans.  
If you catch us, you can take us to the Headmaster and ask for our expulsion. Fair enough?

Prongs.

* * *

James H. Potter:  
I'd like to have a talk with you after Charms. Please go into Study Room 1 and cast multiple Privacy and Silencing Charms on the room so we can discuss your stupidity.  
Thank you,  
Remus J. Lupin

* * *

**(written on parchment stamped with the Hogwarts crest)**

Filch:

Please clean Study Room One today as there is paint splashed all over the room, a strange fungi growing on the walls, and a strange fishy odor. Dumbledore has said that a lot of magic was practiced there. We shall all talk to our students about the proper conduct in a study room.

Thank you,  
The staff

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Since our dear Sophia is M.I.A. and has been for some time, yours truly has taken the initiative to post the next chapter. Here's hoping Sophia doesn't kill me!

-R.A.A.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing belongs to me. For a fulsome list of authors, navigate back to the profile.

* * *

To Moony and Padfoot:

Prongs asked me to write this note to you on his behalf, since he is unable to use his writing hand at the moment:

"WELL AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T SEE US, DID SHE??"

(Capitals his.)

Wormtail.

* * *

To James Potter: 

Where WERE you last night? I told you to meet me in the common room so we could follow 'Prongs' 'Padfoot' 'Moony' and 'Wormtail'! You didn't even BOTHER. You're HEAD BOY for heaven's sake! As a result I lost the four. Next time you BETTER be there. Or else!

Lily Evans

* * *

To my dearest Tiger Lily: 

I'm afraid I forgot, m'dear. Had something else totally on my mind. Something with red hair and green eyes...

But no matter; it is not good form to demonstrate my love for thee so sharply in a public place. Thus, I shall merely answer your question seriously. I did forget.

And why don't you start by finding out who 'Moony', 'Wormtail', 'Padfoot', and 'Prongs' are? I'm sure that will tax your--shall we say--investigative abilities? And, Lily m'dear, you shall never find out whether I am being sarcastic or not.

(please insert evil laugh of your choice here)  
-James H. Potter

* * *

To Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail, (whoever you are) 

Thanks to you, I have failed my History exam. Why is it your fault, you ask? Lily Evans has been so obsessed with finding out your identities that she has given me no rest whatsoever, thus causing me to drift off while studying, thus causing me to fail the test.

With our midnight stakeouts it may not be long before we catch you. So: When we do find out who you are, I will take the Howler from home (unanswered, of course) and allow it to explode in YOUR bed.

Believe me, Filch is not to happy with us lot, and he'll use anyone for a scapegoat for that little incident concerning the fungi on the walls.

But just in case...

I'll let you go free if you tell me how you got those mushrooms. Their slightly zit-like shape and disgusting odor pose several...possibilities for me.

-Dorcas Meadowes

* * *

To Dorcas Meadowes: 

We will never tell you!! Our secret will go to our graves!

Wait, a hint. Try Zonkos. Or at least outside it. Or at least near the Shrieking Shack.

Hasn't your Howler exploded yet? Wow... that's really quite... yes. HOW on EARTH did you manage that? We need to know. We receive Howlers frequently.

-Padfoot

(responding on Prongs, Moony and Wormtail's behalf)

* * *

Strike! 

That's right, fifth years: are you tired of having your noses rubbed raw against the grindstone? Falling asleep on your textbook? Doing mountains of homework?

Then join us to discuss the OWLs Rebellion: the Gryffindor Chapter will be meeting tonight in the Common Room. Refreshments provided by Remus Lupin, of course.

-Sirius Black

* * *

Please, Sirius. A strike is not the way to go about a rebellion. Do some research before you start a club like this.  
Bring on the torches and pitchforks! 

-Gryffindor Fifth Year Who Shall Remain Anonymous For Fear Of McGonagall And Who Is Too Tired To Get Her Capitalization Right.

P.S.: Would this strike have anything to do with the four rolls of parchment you were assigned to write for each class? The punishment for that prank? The one that made the teachers dance in a chorus line?  
(-GFYWSRAFFOMAWITTTGHCR)

* * *

To GFYWSRAFFOMAWITTTGHCR:  
Wow, I can't believe I got that right. Wait... DID I get that right? Oh well, who cares. And f.y.i. that was a PERFECTLY valid prank. And you have to admit, it was amusing. Too bad Dumbledore intervened. Although I think I might remain scarred for life at the sight of McGonagall... well, you get it. And also f.y.i. the rebellion was perfectly successful. Let that be a lesson to teachers who tell us to eat cake! 

-Sirius Black.

* * *

To Sirius:  
I like cake! I want to eet cake! I wish that the teachers let us eet cake. That would be awesome. And if we could eet cake instead of doing homework or studying for OWLs like Remus always wants us to, then I would be happy. I don't like your rebelion (how do you spell that, Sirius?) if we can't eet cake.  
Your friend,  
Peter Pettigrew  
(P.S.: Sirius, how do you spell 'eet'?)

* * *

To all Gryffindor students: 

If James Potter, Sirius Black or Peter Pettigrew hands you a book titled 'Numerology And Gramatica' and tells you it is a disguised Dark book that should be burned immediately, please don't throw it in the fireplace, but return it to me.

Thank you,  
Remus Lupin.

P.S. to the three of you:  
This is NOT funny. I DO need to finish my essay.

* * *

To Lupin and Your Insufferable Friends: 

If your "furry little problem" is anything other than a cat, an owl, or a toad, I will personally make sure that you break the record for detentions.

-Lily Evans  
Gryffindor Prefect

* * *

To Peter:  
D it, stop it, Peter! All Gryffindors know that you're not stupid, and you know that you're not stupid; so when you post notes like that it's really obnoxious. 

To Remus:  
'Numerology and Gramatica' really is a Dark book. Have you even seen those incomprehensible little words in there? 'Maxima and minima', 'fundamental theorem', and 'nonstandard analysis' are only three such examples of evil evidence that 'Numerology and Gramatica' is DARK! Besides, we all know that Sir Isaac Newton and his 'theories' were Dark, very Dark.  
So! BURN THE BOOK! BURN THE BOOK!

-Sirius 'don't-kill-me-Remus' Black.

* * *

To All of You: 

Would you like to clear up the unspeakable messes you make in your dormitories and Common Room? I'll have you know that the noxious fumes emitting from this fireplace have scared all of the house-elves out of their wits, and if Dumbledore can't persuade them otherwise, they won't step foot in here ever again.

Let me remind you that burning anything in the fire barring wood is strictly prohibited. If this has anything to do with this "rebellion" of yours...

I have never been so ashamed of my House.

-Professor McGonagall

* * *

LOST One Snitch, golden, as you all well know. It is fast and about the size of my fist, which I will make when I find out who stole it... 

Twenty points to the House of whoever finds it.

-Madam Hooch

* * *

To Madam Hooch: 

I have the Snitch and I am keeping it in a safe place. Please let me know when it is safe to come by and give it back to you (but not via this board, or unwanted eyes might see it and cause me to 'lose' the Snitch. As you very well know, I was not born to be a Seeker.)

To my unnamed, so-called 'friend':

This will teach you NOT to burn my books.

Remus Lupin.

* * *

Schedule 

Monday: Strategy Meeting from 7 o'clock-9 o'clock in the Common Room, no snacks provided

Tuesday: That old fart Slughorn booked the pitch for the Slytherins today, but I still expect for you to come! Wear dark clothing and meet at the lake at 7 o'clock so that we can go over their moves.

Wednesday: Practice at 5 o'clock-7 o'clock  
Practice again at 8 o'clock-10 o'clock

Friday: Practice at 6 o'clock-8 o'clock  
Practice again at 5 o'clock-7 o'clock

We will be practicing flying through hoops which are four feet in diameter, to promote accuracy in flying. (I don't care whether you lot are taller than four feet, that's the point.) Thanks to Sirius Black, who suggested an exploding Quaffle in the drill to practice quick passing. Non-flammable clothing urged.

On Friday night, there will be an 8 o'clock curfew for all team members so that we can rest up and sneak to the kitchens at 5 o'clock. This will ensure that the Slytherins do not poison our breakfast, which we all very know well that they are capable of doing.

Michael Angletop  
Quidditch Captain

* * *

To Michael Angletop, 

I will be rather unavailable (per se) on Monday, I won't put my reason on this board for my safety and of a certain Chaser's on your team.

- Sarah Kirwin  
Your faithful, but extremely unhappy keeper, who is figuring out a way to get the enchanted acne off of her


End file.
